Healthy Friendships

It’s important for us to evaluate our circles and know that we are surrounding ourselves with people who are good for us. A lot of the times we end up in friendships due to common interests, personality similarities or because of common areas such as work, high school and college. MOST of the time people call each other friends, but in reality it’s more a convenience thing or there’s some low-key rivalry. Some of us remain in friendships despite the fact that it’s a dead end friendship, but still continue just stick around out of convenience because I mean who would want to voluntarily start over with a brand new set of friends? Nobody. At some point you have to evaluate and ask yourself are any of the friendships I’m in good for me? Is this a friendship that I have outgrown? Am I only friends with this person because I went to college/high school with them? Am I only friends with person until my shift is over? These are questions that I feel will easily give you an idea of whether your friendships are genuine and whether someone is a friend or an acquaintance.

So far in my adulting, I have realized that a lot of the energy we put out into the world is mostly made up of the energy that we are given meaning if you’re around shitty people you’re going to end up assimilating and becoming a shitty person as well which meaning that you’re putting out shitty energy. If you’re around productive people you’re more likely to be inspired by that and become productive yourself.

Here’s a list of what I think a genuine and healthy friendship consists of:

  • Respect – You and your friends should have should have mutual respect for one another. No sneak dissing, clowning or disrespect. You both respect each other’s relationships. Lines aren’t crossed.
  • Communication – Good communication is key. It prevents a lot of unnecessary and catty issues amongst women. Everybody can talk/vent, but it takes a real friend to be able to just listen. Some people fake listen, but it’s important to have a friend who actually listens and gets you. Make sure you can be that friend as well
  • Balance – you and your friends’ personalities should compliment one another which I think is important because some people may agree on certain things, but not enough for it to be healthy friendship. Also, there should be a balance because no one wants to feel like they’re carrying or forcing the friendship. Time spent together is important in terms of balance as well because too much time spent together can be detrimental. Moderation is key.
  • Trust- Trust is really, really, really important because you need to know that when you confide in a friend the information shared between the two of you isn’t shared and vice versa. It’s also important because in a friendship both people should know and feel that their friend always has their back
  • No Competiveness – you and your friends shouldn’t be competing or trying to upstage one another.
  • Uplifting/Support– Your friends are one of your best sources of support. You should be there for them. They should be there for you.
  • Dependability – this is particularly important because it goes hand in hand with balance. I think you should be able to feel like you can count on your friend and they should feel the same way about you. However, that doesn’t mean you should be paying your friends bills and they should be buying cars lol unless that’s what you guess have a mutual understanding on.

 

Advertisements

Movie Review: Detroit

Today I went to see the film, Detroit, which is an American period crime drama based on the events that occurred at the Algiers Motel in 1967 Detroit.

The film begins by giving a little background on the great migration which is what lead to a lot of black people inhabiting places like Detroit, Illinois, Ohio, New York and etc. The migration stirred up a lot racial tension within those communities and ultimately led to a lack of equal opportunity for black people.

Prior to the incident at the Algiers Motel, there had been riots in the Southside of Detroit for days on end. There was a lot looting and a lot of innocent people being killed while the city was being occupied by the military as it has been deemed a “no man’s land” by Gov. George Romney (Yes, Mitt Romney’s father).

Melvin Dismukes, black man who just wants to stay out of the white man’s way and do anything to appease them. He’d even go out of his way to appease the soldiers and assist the police. He tries to save some of the black youth by intervening when they have issues with the police.

The movie features the group The Dramatics. After leaving their venue and missing out on their performance due to the riots, the group heads out, but decides to split as they did not want to be perceived as a gang. So two of them, Larry Reed of The Dramatics and his friend, Fred Temple ended up at the Algiers Motel. From that point on they were they were pretty much doomed.

The two ended up being a part of a police raid with other black men and two white women who were staying there at the motel. That night ended with 3 people dead and 9 injured. Dismukes Uncle Tom-like behavior gets him hemmed up with the officers who committed crimes against those innocent people that night.

The crimes the officers did go to court, but of course they were ultimately acquitted of their crimes (surprise!!) so no spoilers there. Reed had to go on with his life by facing the lost of his friend and more than likely coping with PTSD. According to end credits, he is still alive and well in Detroit.

As a black person, this movie was and always will be important to me because there are parts of black history that are never touched on in America’s whitewashed textbooks. To some degree I feel like this movie was whitewashed though. This movie definitely hits home for me because just two years ago there were riots in Baltimore for basically the same issue.. Police brutality. Isn’t it crazy how history repeats?

The film was thought provoking to say the least. It made me think should white filmmakers tell the story of black people through their white lens? I felt uneasy when I thought about it because I know that the way the industry is setup a lot of these stories can only be told through a white mouthpiece.

There were moments in the film where I feel like the writers and directors tried to maintain a good balance of good and bad with the white people. There were moments were the black men were being brutally beaten, but then some white savior would come out of nowhere and save them or look out for them.

The movie was about 2 hours long so I can only imagine how much time those people actually spent being held up in that motel by the police that night.

The really crazy part about the movie is that the police never actually found what they came there for. Most parts of the movie were filler because a lot of the information on that night is limited to the janky police investigation and the confessions from the victims.

 

Overall I would give this film a 4 out of 5.

Movie Review: Dark Tower

Yesterday I went to go see Dark Tower, which is a film based on Stephen King’s Dark Tower book series.

The movie begins by briefly stating that there is a dark tower at the center of the universe that protects everything in the universe and that the only the way the tower can be destroyed is by the mind of a child.

Jake is a teen with special abilities that make a “shiner.” through the utilization of his abilities as a shiner he teams up with one of the last gunslingers from the midworld in order to save this “dark tower” which is said to protect the universe. The dark tower is currently at risk because of this man in black AKA Walter who is a sorcerer with no real agenda besides destroying the tower, which is an awful short term goal if you ask me because I mean once he destroys the tower then what?

Roland realizes that Jake can be used to help lead him to Walter to get the revenge he’s oh so desperate for. Along their journey they fight off Walter’s illusions and sorcery all while dodging his henchmen and forest creatures. Roland basically babysits the boy. He pats him up every now and then even though he’s emotionally disconnected and just wants to seek revenge for his father’s death.

This film’s trailer initially had me pressed to go see this movie. The graphics, potential of the plot and the lead stars made me feel like they might be on to something with this Stephen King book adaption, but I left the theatre feeling like blah instead. Don’t get me wrong it had a few comedic moments and a few action packed scenes, but I feel like the writers and directors left me wanting more. Much of the plot did not make sense there were lots of gaps and it even felt rushed. Roland was just on the brink of death at one point in the movie and then all of a sudden Jake gets him an aspirin and he’s fine (???). The fight scene between Roland and Walter was even lazy. The ending was really unrealistic even for a fantasy movie.

 

Overall I would give this movie 3 out of 5.

For the 20 Something Year Olds

If you’re anything like me you’re constantly analyzing and evaluating every aspect of your life. As young adults in our 20’s we’re all trying to figure out life and how we can live fulfilling lives. I have moments where I do a lot of self-reflection on my accomplishments, mishaps, and etc. so I decided to share a few things I’ve learned so far in adulthood. I hope this is helps!

  • Reflect, but don’t dwell – I think reflecting is good. It’s important to look back and see where you went wrong, but it’s even more important to do so because you remind yourself of all the good things you have accomplished. However, don’t dwell on anything negative, just reflect so that you’ll learn from it.
  • Take risks – I’ve learned that it’s all about seizing the opportunity. Do all of the things you want to do and don’t second guess yourself. The last thing you’d want to do is live your life regretting anything. Take risks with something you’re passionate about like a career path, a trip, a project, an idea or an outfit doesn’t matter what it is just do it. Life is all about the experiences.
  • Don’t settle and don’t feel bad for not settling – if there’s a job that just isn’t working for you and doesn’t fit the vision you have for your career path just ditch it. Don’t like your current lifestyle? Change it. Don’t get so comfortable with complaining about the things you’re unhappy with in your life that you end up settling for it anyway. Devote your time to pursuing your dreams. Remove anything that isn’t satisfying you in life.
  • Do what suits you – A lot of people feel pressured to do things because other people are doing it. Don’t feel that way. Do what works for YOU. Do what YOU want to do.
  • Never compare yourself– everybody’s timing isn’t the same and everything isn’t for everybody. You’ll be miserable if you constantly compare yourself to what other people are doing. It’s really pointless because we’re all different people and we all don’t aspire to do the same things in life.
  • Network – meet people. talk to people. It’s all about who you know these days. Take advantage of any networking opportunities because you never what could become of it.
  • Be prepared to take some L’s – You’re going to experience some failures in life, but it’s okay you can use that and learn from it. Learn from the losses so that you can prosper and be great.
  • Time management – Managing your time is a key part of staying organized and punctual. Make sure that you’re planning things out effectively. If you suck at planning use a planner, calendar or the iPhone app “Reminders” to help you stay on track.
  • Timing is everything, but at the same time it isn’t– Don’t get caught up in the concept of time. It’s never too late to accomplish the things you want to do.
  • Don’t let people project their issues onto you – a lot people are unsatisfied with their lives. Don’t let people try to lump you into their miserable lives. Live your life and don’t let other people distort your way of thinking. Be happy.
  • Live in the moment – I’ve noticed that a lot people get stuck on showing everybody how lit they are or whatever, but sometimes you should just put the phone down. Everybody doesn’t need to know what you’re doing all of the time because I mean if you’re recording and taking pictures of every little thing you do are you even enjoying the moment? Just enjoy wherever you are and whoever you’re with.
  • Being alone is ok – Alone time is essential. When other people aren’t around it allows you to think clearly and if you’re not used to it learn to enjoy your own company. Take yourself out to the movies, treat yourself to a spa day or something more simple like a walk or reading a book. A little solitude every now and then is healthy.
  • Being selfish is ok – Life is stressful and busy so there are times where you should put yourself and your needs over everyone else’s. It’s absolutely ok to put yourself over others because if you’re looking out for other people and putting them first who’s putting you first??
  • Make plans, but just know that sometimes you’ll be winging it – I think it’s good to have a general plan of how you want your life to go because it’ll help you stay focused on whatever goals you want to accomplish. However, 9 times out of 10 you’re going to stray away from your original plan because life is full of surprises, but that shouldn’t deter you from continuously working towards seeing your goals or plans through.

How to Deal with Men Who Have Commitment Issues

Don’t.

Nowadays the most common phrase women will hear while dating is “I’m not looking for anything serious right now” which can be discouraging, but also steers women in the wrong direction in regards to getting what they want.

A lot of times some of us end up in ‘situationships” where we think it’s leading to something serious and more committed or we think we know his feelings are there, but soon realize that it was just a waste of time.

I’m not gonna front men will throw you for a loop with their mixed signals and constant reminders of the fact that they are not trying to commit to you. It’s unhealthy and a never ending mind game. Especially when you have those guys who swore they weren’t going to settle down, but when you finally decide to cut him loose all of a sudden he’s tied down BUT it’s ok forget about him.

 

The reality is that trying to adjust and adapt to every guy you think is the one will leave you exhausted and hopeless. DON’T ADAPT. Save yourself the heartache and headache.
I think that us ladies need to focus on ourselves and if a man who fits into our lives, interests, and needs comes our way then hey give it a shot.

Always stick to your guns and never settle. Don’t adjust your interests, wants and needs so that they match with the guy you think you want.  

Here’s a screenshot of a suggestion I posed for the commitment issue problem 😂😂 👇🏾

Talk it Out & Move On 

I think in all of our lifetimes we’ll experience a strain in relationships with people such as, coworkers, family members, friends & etc. that will drive us crazy lol.

 Personally I have dealt with those kind of people so let me tell you my take on how to deal with those kinds of people and relationships 🙇🏾‍♀️

So my take on relationships that are always tense or just outright toxic is to mediate and move on. What I mean by talking it out is to try to make amends with whoever that person is. Without arguing. Sometimes people feel like a relationship is worth fixing and can be talked out because sometimes you’ll end up in a situation where you realize there isn’t a balance, the level of respect isn’t the same or your level of commitment isn’t the same and must be spoken on. I think it’s important to be able to maturely identify issues within a relationship and attempt to resolve them. Sometimes it’s a simple as a miscommunication, an apology or something along those lines then next thing you know you’re laughing & joking 

However, it’s not always as simple as talking it out so this is when the moving on aspect comes into play. Regardless of the out come of the conversation you HAVE to move on from the issues or from the person/situation entirely. 

Sometimes you’ll find that the other person prefers to be at odds or cannot maturely articulate you guys’ issues so that it can be resolved.

 So for your own sanity you must move on. It’s unhealthy to continuously make yourself apart of a situation that will never be ok. Ride off into the sunset like Jay-Z knowing you tried but it just didn’t work


I feel like the “talking it out” part is crucial because depending on the relationship you realize that it wasn’t purposeful meaning that maybe friend wasn’t supportive and was never capabale of being that person, that person you were dating was playing games or even though the person is a family member it’s just not healthy for you to have a relationship with them. On the flipside, the discussion causes you to self reflect on your own faults ☝🏾

All in all, when you’re at odds try to mediate it maturely and move on, but if you can’t talk it out it just move on and be happy knowing you put in the effort

Gratitude

I think that one of my biggest pet peeves is seeing someone fail to express their gratitude for something someone did for them or offered to do for them.

Nowadays there’s a lot of seemingly homeless people that beg for money, but when people offer them food they deny it. I remember riding in the car with my coworker and explaining my logic on this whole situation to him. I stated that these people have signs that say they’re homeless you offer them food and in Baltimore they typically give a flat or rude response with the bottom line being that what you’re offering them isn’t what they want. However, here you are considering their current situation whether it is legitimate homelessness or a substance abuse problem and they fail to show appreciativeness towards the fact they were willing to give them what you had despite how your day or even life was going.

I’ve come across a lot of people who feel as though anything that someone does for them is what is expected of them and shouldn’t require any thanks which includes people you don’t even know from a hole in the wall. For example, I’m sure you guys have came across people who you held the door for and they walked through without a peep or at work you do something that takes a load off a coworker/supervisor/boss yet they fail to acknowledge that you helped them out.

Those most current thing these days that I’ve noticed on social media is that people will retweet compliments and etc. which clutters their TL instead of just simply saying “thank you”. I just feel like it costs nothing for someone to tell you good job, congrats, or you look amazing and it costs the person the receiving end even less to just say thank you.

I think that a lot of people fail to consider what other people put aside or maybe even sacrifice in order to look out for them. So if someone does something nice for you just say thank you. Consider both sides not even what you do for someone, but also what someone has done for you.