Healthy Friendships

It’s important for us to evaluate our circles and know that we are surrounding ourselves with people who are good for us. A lot of the times we end up in friendships due to common interests, personality similarities or because of common areas such as work, high school and college. MOST of the time people call each other friends, but in reality it’s more a convenience thing or there’s some low-key rivalry. Some of us remain in friendships despite the fact that it’s a dead end friendship, but still continue just stick around out of convenience because I mean who would want to voluntarily start over with a brand new set of friends? Nobody. At some point you have to evaluate and ask yourself are any of the friendships I’m in good for me? Is this a friendship that I have outgrown? Am I only friends with this person because I went to college/high school with them? Am I only friends with person until my shift is over? These are questions that I feel will easily give you an idea of whether your friendships are genuine and whether someone is a friend or an acquaintance.

So far in my adulting, I have realized that a lot of the energy we put out into the world is mostly made up of the energy that we are given meaning if you’re around shitty people you’re going to end up assimilating and becoming a shitty person as well which meaning that you’re putting out shitty energy. If you’re around productive people you’re more likely to be inspired by that and become productive yourself.

Here’s a list of what I think a genuine and healthy friendship consists of:

  • Respect – You and your friends should have should have mutual respect for one another. No sneak dissing, clowning or disrespect. You both respect each other’s relationships. Lines aren’t crossed.
  • Communication – Good communication is key. It prevents a lot of unnecessary and catty issues amongst women. Everybody can talk/vent, but it takes a real friend to be able to just listen. Some people fake listen, but it’s important to have a friend who actually listens and gets you. Make sure you can be that friend as well
  • Balance – you and your friends’ personalities should compliment one another which I think is important because some people may agree on certain things, but not enough for it to be healthy friendship. Also, there should be a balance because no one wants to feel like they’re carrying or forcing the friendship. Time spent together is important in terms of balance as well because too much time spent together can be detrimental. Moderation is key.
  • Trust- Trust is really, really, really important because you need to know that when you confide in a friend the information shared between the two of you isn’t shared and vice versa. It’s also important because in a friendship both people should know and feel that their friend always has their back
  • No Competiveness – you and your friends shouldn’t be competing or trying to upstage one another.
  • Uplifting/Support– Your friends are one of your best sources of support. You should be there for them. They should be there for you.
  • Dependability – this is particularly important because it goes hand in hand with balance. I think you should be able to feel like you can count on your friend and they should feel the same way about you. However, that doesn’t mean you should be paying your friends bills and they should be buying cars lol unless that’s what you guess have a mutual understanding on.

 

For the 20 Something Year Olds

If you’re anything like me you’re constantly analyzing and evaluating every aspect of your life. As young adults in our 20’s we’re all trying to figure out life and how we can live fulfilling lives. I have moments where I do a lot of self-reflection on my accomplishments, mishaps, and etc. so I decided to share a few things I’ve learned so far in adulthood. I hope this is helps!

  • Reflect, but don’t dwell – I think reflecting is good. It’s important to look back and see where you went wrong, but it’s even more important to do so because you remind yourself of all the good things you have accomplished. However, don’t dwell on anything negative, just reflect so that you’ll learn from it.
  • Take risks – I’ve learned that it’s all about seizing the opportunity. Do all of the things you want to do and don’t second guess yourself. The last thing you’d want to do is live your life regretting anything. Take risks with something you’re passionate about like a career path, a trip, a project, an idea or an outfit doesn’t matter what it is just do it. Life is all about the experiences.
  • Don’t settle and don’t feel bad for not settling – if there’s a job that just isn’t working for you and doesn’t fit the vision you have for your career path just ditch it. Don’t like your current lifestyle? Change it. Don’t get so comfortable with complaining about the things you’re unhappy with in your life that you end up settling for it anyway. Devote your time to pursuing your dreams. Remove anything that isn’t satisfying you in life.
  • Do what suits you – A lot of people feel pressured to do things because other people are doing it. Don’t feel that way. Do what works for YOU. Do what YOU want to do.
  • Never compare yourself– everybody’s timing isn’t the same and everything isn’t for everybody. You’ll be miserable if you constantly compare yourself to what other people are doing. It’s really pointless because we’re all different people and we all don’t aspire to do the same things in life.
  • Network – meet people. talk to people. It’s all about who you know these days. Take advantage of any networking opportunities because you never what could become of it.
  • Be prepared to take some L’s – You’re going to experience some failures in life, but it’s okay you can use that and learn from it. Learn from the losses so that you can prosper and be great.
  • Time management – Managing your time is a key part of staying organized and punctual. Make sure that you’re planning things out effectively. If you suck at planning use a planner, calendar or the iPhone app “Reminders” to help you stay on track.
  • Timing is everything, but at the same time it isn’t– Don’t get caught up in the concept of time. It’s never too late to accomplish the things you want to do.
  • Don’t let people project their issues onto you – a lot people are unsatisfied with their lives. Don’t let people try to lump you into their miserable lives. Live your life and don’t let other people distort your way of thinking. Be happy.
  • Live in the moment – I’ve noticed that a lot people get stuck on showing everybody how lit they are or whatever, but sometimes you should just put the phone down. Everybody doesn’t need to know what you’re doing all of the time because I mean if you’re recording and taking pictures of every little thing you do are you even enjoying the moment? Just enjoy wherever you are and whoever you’re with.
  • Being alone is ok – Alone time is essential. When other people aren’t around it allows you to think clearly and if you’re not used to it learn to enjoy your own company. Take yourself out to the movies, treat yourself to a spa day or something more simple like a walk or reading a book. A little solitude every now and then is healthy.
  • Being selfish is ok – Life is stressful and busy so there are times where you should put yourself and your needs over everyone else’s. It’s absolutely ok to put yourself over others because if you’re looking out for other people and putting them first who’s putting you first??
  • Make plans, but just know that sometimes you’ll be winging it – I think it’s good to have a general plan of how you want your life to go because it’ll help you stay focused on whatever goals you want to accomplish. However, 9 times out of 10 you’re going to stray away from your original plan because life is full of surprises, but that shouldn’t deter you from continuously working towards seeing your goals or plans through.

Social Media: a Gift and a Curse

For the past few years I’ve always talked about how much social media has affected young adults these days including myself. The affects are good and bad though.

When it comes to the good things, I’ve noticed that a lot of people have used legitimately used social media for networking and building their brands whether it is for hosting/promoting parties, selling clothes, hair extensions or whatever. People have even gotten job opportunities and met celebs because of social media which is dope….. Some people have used social media as a way to make friends, link up with associates and/or date, which can be tricky.

Now here goes the bad….. Inferiority and multiple complexes has been the result of social media from what I’ve noticed. There are people who constantly feel like they need to compete or feel like if they’re not doing what other people are doing they’re an underachiever. Also, flying each other has been a thing that pretty much goes wrong every time lol PSA: don’t fly across the country solo to link up with strangers. 

ALSO, it seems like we all have a hard time disconnecting. Sometimes I’ll find myself refreshing my TL just because and not because I have any interest in whatever everyone is tweeting or posting it’s just become a habit.

Social Media is really complex and taking over slowly but surely in both good and bad ways.

Adulting

Adulting has been on my mind a lot lately now that I’ve graduated from college. I have time to kinda think like “ok so now what?”


I think we all reach that point where (whether we went to college or not) we’re trying to figure out what’s the next move we need to make in order to prosper as an adult.

There’s so much to on the adulting to do list📝:

  • Finding a decent job with good benefits
  • finding somewhere to live
  • paying bills
  • budgeting
  • staying organized and on top of things
  • Building up your resume
  • putting your time management skills to use or if you don’t have any building them up

Here’s a 👉🏾 link to a guide that’ll help you with most of your adulting questions and issues

I think the most difficult part is making the transition from being guided through life by your parents to doing it all on your own, but it’s just a one day at a time type of things. I just wanted to make this post to ensure you that you’re not alone.

 

New Year, New Me.. Well Kinda

Happy New Year, guys! I hope you all brought in the new year with loved ones and enjoyed yourself.

So I’m writing to this post to share my thoughts on new year’s resolutions. So typically people have this notion that with the new year they can revamp themselves and become this new person while coming up with all of these unrealistic goals and etc. that they swear they’re gonna achieve and stick to. I’ve come to realize that associating the new year with things you want/should do is not a good idea… However I think it is a good idea to incorporate the new things in your daily life meaning instead of saying “I wanna lose 25lbs. this year.” make it a regular thing to go to the gym. Also, I think it is important to consider your goals and how realistic they are. Is it feasible for you to accomplish them? Don’t go beyond your means. Will you have time do it? Will you stick to it? You could always just plan to do something it doesn’t all have to happen in one year. Go at your own pace.

I just say all of this to express that I suggest that you  should want to do these things long term depending on what the goal is. I think it is important to consider that you want to continue doing this thing rather than for a short period of time and constantly continuing the cycle of coming up with something new every year. Just consider what you want to do as improvement rather than becoming a new you.

 

Happy New Year again,

S. Easley

LinkedIn

So just recently.. well about a month or two ago I started using LinkedIn for an assignment. I always had one of course as a college student, but I just couldn’t figure out how to make use of it.

I have now come to find it pretty useful. It’s a good way to build yourself and consider the skills and experience you have. You build connections with employers, colleges if you’re interested in Grad school and you can communicate and stay in contact with professors. Oh and peers too!

The best way to beef up your profile is to:

  • have a nice, professional profile picture nothing from twitter or instagram.
  • Be sure to include a little about yourself. Include a summary about who you are, your interests, your goals and aspirations.
  • Put down any jobs or volunteering opportunities you’ve done.
  • Go a little in depth about your education discuss courses that relate to what your ultimate career goal is along with programs and clubs you have been involved in.
  • List skills you’ve gained from courses, job and even volunteering.

I just felt like sharing a bit of information to help you guys. College student or not LinkedIn can be your key to success.

 

 

Hope this helps – T

Knowing Your Worth

By: S. Easley

This topic today is kind of relevant to me personally from my own experiences and some of my friends’ experiences with relationships and such. Before I go I do want to say that knowing your worth doesn’t necessarily mean that you have low self-esteem or anything what I’m getting at with this post is that sometimes we need to take a step back and evaluate our current situation and our satisfaction with it. Is this worth your time? Is it going in the direction that you would like for it to? Is it too much? Is it underwhelming? Do you feel sort of stagnant?

In some cases there are unhealthy relationships that require you to realize who you are and what you’re worth. One of my friend’s called me to talk about her ex and the unhealthy relationship they still have going on because of their constant contact due to their child. She said that she had finally had enough and saw things for what it was. She finally knew her worth. You can care about someone and love them, but you can’t let that be the reason why you continue to stay in unhealthy relationship. Constant fussing and fighting isn’t a healthy relationship worth staying in. From this you can see that most times we can’t tell our friends what is or isn’t good for them. As individuals we have to learn on our own. Whatever I would tell her never made a difference in how she did things.  Sometimes something dramatic has to happen for that person to determine when enough is enough for them (unless they’re in an abusive relationship that’s when you step in).

In other cases, there is an issue with fulfillment. You and your significant other may not be on the same page or are moving at the same pace. You wanna take things slow and they’re ready to settle down or vice versa. In situations like those you have to consider your worth and what you want. Are you willing to settle for what someone else wants in order to just be in their life and unhappy because it’s not necessarily what you want? You have to start thinking for yourself and your needs. It’s not selfish to consider your happiness when it comes to relationships especially when the common goal is to be with someone long term.

You have to remember you can do better than the situations and relationships that are unfulfilling and unsatisfying. When you are unappreciated and you aren’t taken into consideration by that other person that’s when you need to start reevaluating what you want and what makes you happy.

I hope this post gave you something to think about and helped in anyway.

 

By: S. Easley

Negativity 

 
So I saw this earlier while blogging and thought it was something worth sharing because I feel like it’s something relevant to all of our lives these days. We as people have a habit of getting stuck on people in friendships or relationships out of comfort whether it’s a healthy relationship or not. But as individuals we need to think positively and have a positive outlook. However it is important that the people we surround ourselves with think the same way otherwise they’ll just pull you down. Being apart of healthy friendships and relationships can be a motivating force and influential to our progression and development in life.

By: S. Easley

Speaking Things Into Existence

I just wanted to make a post about the power of speaking things into existence. Positive thinking, planning and patience are important when it comes to making the thing you desire come to fruition. In life you want to experience things, learning things, move forward and even overcome some things.

So I suggest sitting down writing some things out and claiming them for your own. Mention some things to your friends like “Once I get my masters I plan to move up in my current job and get this much needed promotion.” or “I deserve a change of scenery so I’m gonna pack up and visit Morocco.” Talk your things to existences make them real.

It’s all about turning your desires into goals that can happen and not letting them just be far fetched chit chat.

I hope you guys consider this and decide to speak things into existence so that there will be a positive change in your life 🙂

   By: S. Easley